CHRISTMAS FULLERVISION STYLE

A GUIDE TO THE HOLIDAYS BY J. MYRLE FULLER

THE GOSPEL

The story goes, according to the books of Matthew and Luke, that Joseph of Nazareth, roughly the 58th-generation of the Holy Lineage from Adam through David, was engaged to a woman named Mary. However, when Mary (a virgin) became pregnant, Joseph had a plan to end the engagement before the child was born, as not to suggest shame upon the woman. The angel Gabriel convinced him otherwise, telling Joseph that his fiance was carrying a child of God. So, traveling to Bethlehem to take part in a census set forth by Caesar Augustus, Joseph and the pregnant Mary needed to stop... a nearby inn was full, so they directed themselves to a manger, where Mary delivered the child who would be Jesus Christ. Upon Christ's birth, angels of God went forth to local shepherds and distant kings, who came in droves to pay homage to the child and offer gifts. King Herod of Jerusalem wasn't too happy and denounced claims that Christ was any king that would infringe upon his reign, so he plotted to kill the child, asking to "go and worship" him. Having heard divine warning of the plot, Mary, Joseph, and the Christ eventually fled to Egypt. That's pretty much it.

THE LEGEND OF SANTA CLAUS

Santa Claus is a legend based upon a philanthropist from circa AD 200 known as St. Nicholas. However, the legend has since grown into a full-blown industry. So here's the general consensus on the legend.
Santa Claus's physical description: he is of unknown height, notably overweight, he has a long white beard and is bald. The story of Santa Claus's origin is disputed. However, we do know that he is married to a woman known only as Mrs. Claus and that he lives in a workshop on the North Pole. (Note: Geologists may note that there are two North Poles, a geographic [covered in water and ice] and a magnetic [under an island]. Fullervision, for the sake of realistic possiblility, will argue that the workshop is on the magnetic North Pole on Bathurst Island, Nunavut, Canada. Other organizations have argued that Santa lives in northern Scandinavia.) The workshop on the North Pole is manned by elves, who are responsible for producing all of the toys in the world. (This despite most claims that they are made by other diminuted people-- the Chinese.)
The apex of activity at the North Pole workshop comes on Christmas Eve (December 24 for those of you in Rio Linda), when all of the elves gather the toys and place them into a large sack for Santa Claus to carry around the world. The sack is carried out to a large sleigh, which is powered by nine reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph, the last with a bright red nose to guide the sleigh during inclement weather). Santa also compiles a list, from various sources, of all of the children to be considered "naughty" and undeserving of gifts. The rest of the Christian children are labeled "nice" and are rewarded with gifts from the sack. The sleigh navigates in a fashion so that it arrives at the children's houses at about midnight local time.

CHANUKKAH (DEC. 8-15)

By the time this is posted, Chanukkah will be halfway finished. The relatively minor Jewish holiday is noted so often because it lands in roughly the same time frame as Christmas, one of the most major Christian holidays. The story of this holiday involves a belief that divine intervention allowed one day's worth of temple oil to last for eight days. The custom is symbolized by lighting a menorah of nine candles, one master candle to light the other eight, one for each day. Also involved is a game of dreidel-spinning (the dreidel being a top with four sides, each with Hebrew lettering) and feasts including deep-fried potato latkes (pancake-like creations). The holiday has obtained mainstream popularity, including comedian Adam Sandler's famous line of "Hanukkah Songs."

KWANZAA: IT'S FAKE, IT'S RACIST, I DON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT A HOLIDAY.

CHRISTMAS SPECIALS:

Most of them came fast and furious early in the season; they pretty much have aired already. But here's a synopsis anyway:
If I missed something, check TVListings.Zap2it.com (they, I admit, have better listings than I do, and I used them to compile this list).

CHRISTMAS MUSIC:

Buffalo: WTSS 102.5 and WJYE 96.1 continue to try and slug it out in a corporate fight for 24-hour holiday music supremacy. Entering the fray this year is WHTT 104.1, who will mix holiday oldies with their usual 60s/70s mix.
Syracuse: WYYY 94.5 carries the holiday music.
Rochester: WBBF 93.3 carries the holiday music.
Southern Tier: The Family Life Network of religious stations is carrying Christmas music throughout the season.
Olean: WPIG 95.7 has begun mixing holiday music with their usual country fare.

NEXT UP:
THE YEAR THAT WAS 2004... ELECTIONS, HURRICANES, WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS, AND A YOUTH MOVEMENT... COMING AFTER CHRISTMAS!

Fullervision Enterprises, Unltd. 2004