CHRISTMAS FULLERVISION STYLE 2005

A GUIDE TO THE HOLIDAYS BY J. MYRLE FULLER

THE GOSPEL

The story goes, according to the books of Matthew and Luke, that Joseph of Nazareth, roughly the 58th-generation of the Holy Lineage from Adam through David, was engaged to a woman named Mary. However, when Mary (a virgin) became pregnant, Joseph had a plan to end the engagement before the child was born, as not to suggest shame upon the woman. The angel Gabriel convinced him otherwise, telling Joseph that his fiancée was carrying a child of God. So, traveling to Bethlehem to take part in a census set forth by Caesar Augustus, Joseph and the pregnant Mary needed to stop... a nearby "inn" was full, so they directed themselves to a manger, where Mary delivered the child who would be Jesus Christ. Upon Christ's birth, angels of God went forth to local shepherds and distant kings, who came in droves to pay homage to the child and offer gifts. King Herod of Jerusalem wasn't too happy and denounced claims that Christ was any king that would infringe upon his reign, so he plotted to kill the child, asking to "go and worship" him. Having heard divine warning of the plot, Mary, Joseph, and the Christ eventually fled to Egypt. The rest, as they say, is history.

THE LEGEND OF SANTA CLAUS

Santa Claus is a legend based upon a philanthropist from circa AD 200 known as St. Nicholas. However, the legend has since grown into a full-blown industry. So here's the general consensus on the legend.
Santa Claus's physical description: he is of unknown height, notably overweight, he has a long white beard and is bald. His wardrobe is almost universally red. The story of Santa Claus's origin is disputed; however, we do know that he is married to a woman known only as Mrs. Claus and that he lives in a workshop on the North Pole. (Note: Geologists may note that there are two North Poles, a geographic [covered in water and ice] and a magnetic [under an island]. Fullervision, for the sake of realistic possiblility, will argue that the workshop is on the magnetic North Pole on Bathurst Island, Nunavut, Canada. Other organizations have argued that Santa lives in northern Scandinavia, as Santa Claus is a Dutch [closely related to English and Scandinavian languages] translation of Saint Nicholas.) The workshop on the North Pole is manned by elves, who are responsible for producing all of the toys in the world. (This despite most claims that they are made by other diminuted people-- the Chinese.)
The apex of activity at the North Pole workshop comes on Christmas Eve (December 24 for those of you in Rio Linda), when all of the elves gather the toys and place them into a large sack for Santa Claus to carry around the world. The sack is carried out to a large sleigh, which is powered by nine reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph, the last with a bright red nose to guide the sleigh during inclement weather). Santa also compiles a list, from various sources, of all of the children to be considered "naughty" and undeserving of gifts. The rest of the Christian children are labeled "nice" and are rewarded with gifts from the sack. The sleigh navigates in a fashion so that it arrives at the children's houses at about midnight local time.

CHANUKKAH (DEC. 25-JAN. 1)

Chanukkah, also spelled Chanukah or Hanukkah, has a late turn this year because of the Jewish equivalent of a leap year. The relatively minor Jewish holiday is noted so often because it lands in roughly the same time frame as Christmas, one of the most major Christian holidays, and due to the fact that many famous media personalities are Jewish (see Adam Sandler's line of "Hanukkah Songs") The story of this holiday involves a belief that divine intervention allowed one day's worth of temple oil to last for eight days. The custom is symbolized by lighting a menorah of nine candles, one master candle to light the other eight, one for each day. Also involved is a game of dreidel-spinning (the dreidel being a top with four sides, each with Hebrew lettering) and feasts including deep-fried potato latkes (pancake-like creations).

KWANZAA: IT'S FAKE, IT'S RACIST, I DON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT A HOLIDAY.

CHRISTMAS SPECIALS:

The most notable, with dates in italics indicating that you missed it:

Fullervision.net NEWS for Saturday, December 17, 2005
A Holiday Tradition: Frosty the Snowman and the Liberal Agenda
Well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight on CBS is the story of Frosty the Snowman. While not exactly containing the gravitas of something like Charlie Brown, the original Frosty special is still a classic. However, the show after it, a show entitled "Frosty Returns," is nothing short of disgusting. Fullervision has made it an annual tradition to lambast CBS for creating and re-airing this piece of horrible drivel.
First, a little history: the original Frosty the Snowman did have a sequel created for it. "Frosty's Winter Wonderland" airs on ABC Family during December, and the Frosty and Rudolph stories were merged in a two-hour bizarre finale entitled "Christmas in July." However, in 1992, CBS didn't really care for "Winter Wonderland" enough to buy the rights, and instead produced this piece of crap known as "Frosty Returns." The show transformed the dimwitted but lovable Frosty into a bad stand-up comedian (voiced by John Goodman). The problem isn't necessarily that, however; it's the fact that the story is so politically liberal in nature that you'd swear that the script was written on the campus of Berkeley. For instance:
The villain in this case is a corporate executive voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray (that boss from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and the series Yes, Dear, among others). He creates a chemical that melts snow, and the people are happy... except for Holly deCarlo, a depressed young 9-year-old, and her nerdy associate Charles (who suggests to Holly that they should build a fertility goddess in the snow). When Holly expresses her displeasure with the "evil" snow-melting chemical, they're immediately bullied into secrecy. The mentions of Jesus, God and even Christmas have been stricken from the record and replaced by the ultimate politically-correct celebration: a winter carnival. The absurdity is that the corporate executive wants to pull a hostile coup of the town of sorts, so that by pleasing the crowd with the snow-melting chemical, they'll make him king of the winter carnival (an honorary title that the executive delusionally thinks has real power). It's up to Holly to assert, without any real facts to back her up, that the chemical is dangerous in order to save Frosty.
View last year's report here.
Frosty Returns airs at 8:30 PM ET on CBS tonight.

If I missed something, check TitanTV.com (they, I admit, have better listings than I do, and I used them to compile this list).

CHRISTMAS MUSIC:

Right off the bat, I recognize that this list is longer than last year, maybe because I've been more agressively seeking these sources. By December 15, there are probably quite a few that have added Christmas music to their playlists since I compiled this list. I've added as many as I could find.
Non- radio industry people: "AC" means "Adult Contemporary/Contemporary Mix." Soft AC generally is 70's and 80's pop; they're usually the first to switch to holiday music because of the audience.
City/Market
Station
Owner
Details
Cattaraugus Co.
WGGO 1590
Pembrook Pines
Syndicated ABC Unforgettable Favorites holiday music.
WPIG 95.7
Backyard
Mix of country holiday tunes and normal playlist.
Buffalo
WJYE 96.1
CBS
24/7 soft AC holiday tunes.
WTSS 102.5
Entercom
24/7 AC holiday tunes.
WHTT 104.1
Citadel
Mix of classic hits holiday tunes and normal playlist.
Also providing a separate all-holiday channel on its Web site.
Rochester
WFKL 93.3
Entercom 24/7 holiday tunes.
WVOR 100.5
Clear Channel
Mix of AC holiday tunes and normal playlist.
Listen live on Web site.
WRMM 101.3
CBS 24/7 soft AC holiday tunes.
Finger Lakes
WISY 102.3
Clear Channel
24/7 soft AC holiday tunes.
WUUF 103.5
Independent
Mix of country holiday tunes and normal playlist.
Syracuse
WZUN 102.1
Galaxy
24/7 soft AC holiday tunes.
WYYY 94.5
Clear Channel
24/7 AC holiday tunes.
Toronto ON
CHFI 98.1
Rogers
24/7 soft AC holiday tunes. Listen live on Web site.
CJEZ 97.3
Standard
24/7 soft AC holiday tunes. Listen live on Web site.
Niagara ON
CHRE 105.7
Standard
24/7 soft AC holiday tunes. Listen live on Web site.

Suggestions? Corrections? Let me know! Contact information is on the home page.

Fullervision Enterprises, Unltd. 2005